During childhood we all experience situations that scare us and subconsciously develop coping mechanisms to survive the perceived fear, pain and/or shame. We instinctively soothe ourselves by hiding our authentic self behind a facade, building defenses, employing protective behaviors, strategies and manipulations to shelter our tender, wounded parts. Neuroscience has now proven these early memories are vaulted inside part of the brain and influence our behavior until addressed by conscious somatic and therapeutic work.
Understanding the Impact of Childhood Coping Mechanisms
Naturally our survival response prepares us to never again endure the physical or emotional pain we once experienced. So we develop a “seventh sense” to detect and ward off any situation that resembles similar sensations, reminiscent of those original childhood fears. Those first soft shells of defense we created when young, became armor by the time of adolescence and began to shield our authentic Self from the world.
The Armor of Defense: How Childhood Coping Strategies Shape Adult Behavior
These defensive layers begin to run on autopilot in all of our relationships, preventing real connections from occurring. Connections with family, friends, professional relationships and the physical, emotional and sexual intimacy desired with romantic partners, all begin to be experienced at arm's length. Confined by the walls we build and armors we wear daily, we can begin to experience feelings of loneliness, feeling unseen, unheard, misunderstood and therefore unloved.
Can we be loved more wholly? Yes, of course, but can we be loved for who we truly are if we never show up authentically?
Testimonial: Personal Transformation Through Therapeutic Healing
What armor is keeping you from being truly seen and fully known by others and how does it serve you to keep hiding behind defensive walls? Ready to steady yourself? I have personally received guidance through relational, experiential counselling by Gizella Nagy, RTC. Our therapeutic sessions helped me to begin healing old wounds and open up to new relationships. Our work together empowered me to feel safe creating authentic connections and embracing the beautiful unique gift I am!
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